Having children isn't for everybody. Older couples who, for no matter reason, didn't end up having children, share whether or not or no longer they regret their decision.
Having children is not any small way of life exchange. They pretty much take over your life. They price a lot of money. And they cry. Like so much. While having children has been thought to be the societal "norm" for a long time, it shouldn't be. People should no longer be expected to have children as a result of "that's just what you do." There are many reasons why any person might select to not have to children. And they're all legitimate.
This AskReddit thread is stuffed with older other folks who didn't have youngsters talking about why they made that decision and how they feel about it now.
1.
Oenonaut's spouse has physical and psychological problems they didn't need to cross on to a kid. And Oenonaut themselves had sufficient doubt about having youngsters that they're OK no longer having them. They really put it best: "While I'm occasionally afraid that someday I might regret not having children, that's not the same thing as wanting children, and that's an important difference to me." That's an important difference.
2.
Some other folks, like MoiraCousland and her husband, grew up in abusive families and had traumatizing childhoods. They in the end got out, discovered partners they love, and have had a "rock-solid marriage" for 19 years. While they regarded as having youngsters, they needed to paintings extraordinarily onerous to heal from the wounds of their upbringings, and together they decided that they have been enough for every different. "If I had to choose now, knowing what I do, between becoming a mother and having the marriage and home life I now enjoy, it's absolutely no contest. Zero regrets," she wrote.
3.
On the other facet of things is shapeofthings, who actually did need kids but could not find the suitable individual for a while. They after all discovered "the perfect partner," and she or he did get pregnant, however they lost the infant, and they're a little bit too outdated to check out once more. In a real remark of adulthood and honesty, they wrote, "I am very upset that I will not have children, but I don't regret not having children with anyone but my current partner."
4.
Piskie and their spouse have been married for twenty years, and they're both 50 years previous. Neither of them sought after to have kids, so they were a perfect fit! While they don't want children of their own, they stated that they love placing out with their 16-year-old niece. They talked about boys, picked blackberries, and had a great time. "It was magical. i just adore her." But that does not mean they want kids of their own.
5.
Some other folks's perspectives on children evolve over time. When I was a teen and in my early 20s, I used to be satisfied I'd by no means need children. Being pregnant turns out horrible, and small children are handiest lovable one of the vital time. But, when I found my glorious spouse and started getting older, the ones views started to change (no longer about pregnancy, though, now not looking ahead to that at all). Ufology24 had an evolution as well, handiest in the other way and far more extreme: "At 17 I wanted 12 children (!!); at 18 I knew I didn't want any ever. Best decision of my life. I'm 60 now, and no regrets."
6.
Henrythethirteenth and their husband are both 48, and the truth that they never had kids continues to be an enormous reduction for them. They get to commute, have a lovely house, "walk around naked if we want," and they have much more disposable source of revenue than they would if they needed to support children. After all, the typical child prices over $200,000 to raise within the United States. That's a lot of money that you just have to want to spend on a child.
7.
It took Intersectaquirer a short time to come round to the theory of no longer having children, but his spouse used to be adamantly in opposition to it, and he discovered that as the dude within the relationships, he'll always see the enjoy of getting children "with rose-colored glasses."
"That's easy for me as it's not my body and sacrifice." And she does not wish to, so he respects that. "If either one of us are not 100 percent OK with a major decision, we don't do it, end of discussion," he wrote. "I look forward to spoiling my nieces and nephews and spending more time with my wife and continuing to make our world about us, forever."
8.
When grahag and his spouse came upon it could be tricky for them to have youngsters, they stopped trying. His wife was once "heartbroken at first," but he was roughly relieved. Over time, his wife came around and has mentioned a couple of occasions that she was once happy they didn't have kids. They've been on so many amazing adventures, are making plans for retirement, and made certain their lives were complete and fulfilling for just the 2 of them.
9.
Calcuttacodeinecoma wrote that they do go through levels where they feel sorry about now not having a child. They technically nonetheless have time since they and their spouse are 36, but "logically the pros vs. cons of having a kid... there are just far too many cons," they wrote. I keep in mind that standpoint. The planet is in jeopardy. The global seems find it irresistible's falling aside. Millennials are "ruining" the whole lot, together with having children, as a result of we just don't have the financial security our folks did. There is a lot to consider when making the decision about whether or not or not to have a child.
10.
This is a little of a distinct tale. Academiclady wrote that she and her spouse certainly remorseful about no longer having children...but they might nonetheless have a shot. While they're each in their mid-40s, they iced over their gametes years in the past in case they modified their mind about no longer wanting to have children. When they made up our minds to not have children, the decision was once "more practical than ideological." They both had ill members of the family, and having children would simply upload to their already immense rigidity.
She's a geneticist, so they determined to freeze their gametes in case they modified their minds. She does admit that there are perks to the child-free life (great financial scenario, freedom to travel, and so on.), however now she feels like they got all they may just out of a lifestyles with out kids, and they're longing so as to add to their family. It's wonderful they had enough foresight to freeze their gametes in case at the present time came.
11.
Jjz used to be satisfied they would wake up someday and know for positive that they sought after to have kids. "That day never came..." they wrote. While they do on occasion ponder whether they made a mistake not having youngsters, they do not quite feel sorry about the decision. They'll have the ability to retire at 52 and might even start a charitable organization. They believe that now not having youngsters has allowed them the time and sources to lend a hand other people as opposed to their fast family.
12.
LRWR and their husband are always requested how they feel about the truth that they didn't have youngsters. "We know we made the right choice," they wrote. They're a teacher, so they love kids, but they "simply never wanted to go home to more kids after work." Have you been in a faculty? I understand that notion utterly. The one caveat is that they each pass over having grandchildren. "Christmas is quiet, and family barbecues are non-existent. That part is a bit sad."
13.
"I'm sad and in many ways I think my husband is also," wrote brotherRod2. Although they have had "great careers and have a wonderful life together," they "see the unbelievable love that my friends have for their children and that is something I will never know." They feel too on my own, especially now that they're getting older. "It doesn't feel that good deep down," they wrote. I feel for them. I simply hope they know their lifestyles is not worth any less as a result of they decided not to have youngsters.
14.
ThrowawayTink2 truly sought after to have children, however their partner didn't and stalled, "hoping to run my clock out." How messed up is that? They tried to find happiness and success in other areas of lifestyles. They have a fantastic occupation, they volunteer, they have friends and family. But they simply don't have their personal children. "I never got over my anger and resentment of being denied children," they wrote. "Last year, after 20 years together, I ended things." Now, they're searching for ways to become a mom. They have frozen eggs, or would possibly foster or undertake. I love that they are making their wants a priority and now not giving up on their dream.
15.
"No regrets," TophaDevilsSon wrote. They always thought they wanted youngsters, until they were in their mid-20s. What took place then? you may ask. "I stayed with a couple I knew who had toddlers," they wrote. Welp. That'll do it. "They were nice kids, but I remember one Saturday morning they poked me awake for cereal. It was an epiphany. I remember thinking, 'I never want this.'" And they haven't looked back since.
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